he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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