You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
