I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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