I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
