Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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