I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
