Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the room spins SO much faster in panama
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
