I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize