Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
