yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
