he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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