Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
