don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
