I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
