What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
