and she was petting her beer can
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come share oat with me in your robe
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
