Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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