well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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