God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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