our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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