what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
