Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
