ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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