my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
