I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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