Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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