There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize