If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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