Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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