So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
