i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize