I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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