he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
