youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize