And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
