Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
