come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
