Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
