I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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