thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
