But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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