Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
