I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
