my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
