Bisexual people are plain selfish.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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