Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dicks are not precious.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
