doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
