Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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