If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
