Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
