omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
