Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
