Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
