the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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