I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
