it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
