Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
