I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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