i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
