My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
