Jerry, you need to find god
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
