He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mom said you looked used
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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