Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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