found the other keg... it's in the tree
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
