I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
