so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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