ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I checked into jail on foursquare
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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