Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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