dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
