Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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