So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
