kristin has been a bad kristin
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
